A Commercial Just Told Me You Suck, Honey

 

            This month I absolutely must get on my soapbox about something that has been tugging at my sensibilities for many years now, pretty much since my own personal age of reason.  I absolutely must take issue with the pervasive attitude of hatred that many advertisers have chosen to employ to sell products, namely the battle of the sexes.

            Now to quote a favorite sci-fi author of mine, “the battle of the sexes will never be won, because fraternizing with the enemy is so much fun.”  Fair enough… I don’t really expect men and women to ever become so psychologically in-tune as to shed all of their gender stereotypes and become bizarre androgynous hybrids.  I enjoy watching a good football game every now and then, and I have as many testosterone-laden impulses as most of the other gentlemen with whom I share the planet.  I like to think, though, that I’ve elevated my experience by trying to embrace a few feminine passions as well. 

For instance, let’s say I decided to join a choir.  Not very manly, but something I think I’d like to do.  Now immediately, the ingrained cultural programming kicks in and makes you think, “AHA!  He wants to get laid.  That’s why he joined the choir!”  No, not true.  I honestly enjoy using my musical talents and widening my appreciation thereof with music other than traditional “man” stuff.  I’ve come to savor the richness and sensitivity of artists such as the Indigo Girls and Mazzy Star, and I believe that incorporating their healthy dose of feminine truth into my psyche completes me in so many more ways than chugging beers with frat boys ever could.  And so it pains me, knowing instinctively that these powerful, vital feelings can cross the gender wall and help the sexes understand each other and be true friends, to see commercials dismiss them so completely and utterly.

A few examples, perhaps?

I saw a Coors commercial the other night in which an extremely unattractive woman drove by in a truck with a bunch of men gaping at her.  Oh wait, here’s the clever kicker, she’s driving a beer truck.  After luring the men to the back of the truck bearing cases of brewski galore, she says “men are sheep.”  Hooray.  How enlightening.  Thanks a bunch there, Nietszche.

Another advertisement I heard on the radio suggested that when a woman hints at marriage, she’s really thinking, “If you don’t buy me a huge diamond ring that I can show off to all my friends, we’re through.”  And no, I’m not taking it out of context.  It said it so matter-of-factly that I simply hung my head in despair.  What else can you do when you have fifty thousand watts of power squandering itself on base materialism, and especially at the expense of your mate?  The accumulation of wealth and toys only makes you happy for a little while.  Did we learn nothing from Scarface?

A Cerveceria Beer ad on Venezuelan TV was actually banned from the airwaves for depicting a scantily clad blonde woman holding a sign reading, “I'm the other one. If you try me, you'll stay with me.”  The Venezuelan Supreme Court ruled that it encouraged infidelity, and ordered it removed.

I’d even go as far as to say the recent Budweiser “Wasabi” ad, featuring a boyfriend being disciplined by his girlfriend for having some good clean fun with some Japanese chefs falls into the same vein.  I’ve heard a couple co-workers of mine say about that knavish piece of work, “that’s just like my girlfriend.”

So is it life imitating art, or vice versa?  Among most males, with whom I commingle far more than females, there just seems to be a mental relegation of their significant others to a state of vacant, doddering idiocy.  I think they truly believe that honest, reverent friendship with a woman is impossible, because I never hear them speak of their women in a positive light.  Often, while driving to lunch, I hear them saying of the less skilled drivers, “oh, no wonder they can’t drive, it’s a woman at the wheel.”  Misogynism is extremely rampant throughout the male gender, to extents that few women will ever realize because a male’s behavior naturally reverses itself in the presence of a female.

I suppose we’ve got thousands of years of human evolution against us, but leaving all of that aside, commercials aren’t helping much.  Some commercials have brilliant creativity behind them, but those that are geared toward the greatest number of men tend to appeal to the most heinous of male beliefs about women. 

It all starts in the boardroom, which is what galls me the most.  I’m talking out of my ass, but I imagine every ad campaign that airs goes through at least fifteen or so people beforehand.  The very fact that these tribunals of advertising executives agree so convincingly that these campaigns extol virtues with which they want their company associated is mindboggling.  Or perhaps they simply don’t give much thought to the perpetuation of gender hatred and want to line their pockets with cash for a quick fix.

An emotional request for a more civilized approach to male-female understanding is all I ask, but perhaps it’s too much for commercial advertising.  My standing theory is that the noble writers become overly disgusted with the ad scene over time and move on to write sitcoms, where the true nugget of human goodness lies.  This leaves only the dregs in advertising.  It’s kind of like the South Bronx that way.

That leaves it up to you not to buy into it, sugarlips.  Love the opposite sex (if that is your preference,) for you can learn volumes from them.